Quote:
Originally Posted by mtnannie
Chasing that high is dangerous. Remember the bad side of your experiences. They will repeat themselves and maybe worse. There are a few lies that challenge those of us with bipolar, and one of them is that we are better self's when we are manic. Ask those around you if you are a better person to be around when you are manic. It took me years of lost time and friends, homes, husband, custody of my son before I decided to stop trying to chase that feeling. I was addicted! I hope you don't lose what I did. Please check with your pdoc before changing your med.
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Thank you for your reply. I appreciate that you shared your experiences here.
My issue is that I lose myself when I'm not manic, or at least hypomanic. When I'm manic I'm assertive. I take care of myself. I set boundaries.
I don't do what I don't want to do - but believe me, I still care for my cats and my (grown) kids. I keep my home cleaner than I do when I'm "stable".
When I'm "stable" I caretake everybody,
especially my husband. I've been caretaking him for 36 years. I feel like I've been stolen when I'm stable. I have no voice. Everything beautiful and meaningful is gone, and I'm polite and quiet and submissive and nice and ultra-mature. It's all fake. I'm not who I really am.
When I'm manic I don't hurt anyone else, believe me. Responsibilities are met just as always. I'm just much quicker to anger and I feel angry and wild all of the time when I'm manic. Like fire.