Dear T,

Why have you not returned my voicemail from Thursday? Remember, it was your idea that I call to check in even though you were on vacation last week.

Why did you respond immediately to my text message on Friday canceling tomorrow's appointment when you haven't returned my voicemail from Thursday? You didn't even acknowledge it.

I wish you asked questions or said something about how I might be feeling about having to cancel tomorrow and not getting to see you for another week. Or maybe suggested another check-in phone call? I thought you knew how much I've been struggling lately.

I'm too much even when I'm trying desperately not to be. Too needy, too negative. I knew you would figure it out eventually.

I won't ask if you got the voicemail, and I won't call or text again before my appointment a week from Monday. I'm not going to beg for attention or force myself on you.

I don't think you think of me unless I'm in physically in front of you. I don't fault you for that, I know I'm just another client. I just wish it were different. It hurts.

I hate that as much as this all hurts I still can't wait to see you next week. I bring this all on myself. I should quit therapy altogether, but I won't. I'd rather have someone pretend caring for 50 minutes a week than none at all, I guess. I'm so weak.

-GeekyOne