This post is bound to ruffle a few feathers, so my apologies in advance, for said ruffling. Before you scream 'you must be one of these loser MRA types', understand that I have no such association with any group. Remember: this is just text, and you'll be okay. Breath. Also realize that I am no scholar and am only reporting what I see so frequently. Is it objective? I cannot say. But I will tell you what I see so often, and it's disturbing. But AGAIN: note that is just one person's subjective account of things. This will be a quick post, so if the claims herein are too sweeping I will elaborate if you ask. I can't get too complex with only so much characters and the dwindling attention span of the many.
In advance I will say I am mostly referring to males in America, but the sentiment extends elsewhere too certainly.
Yes, I realize there's always some alarmist article you'll find somewhere that says X thing is in a state of crisis. But hear me out here.
As a side note: If I were to shriek cries of 'misogyny! Misogyny!' society is already more predisposed to sympathize. Cries of 'misandry!' or even faint whispers of a male-centric issue however would be met with incredulity or eye-rolling.
Feminism, of which I have zero respect for quite honestly, will have you believe that men are beyond okay and in fact living off the fat of the land. When I have found quite the opposite to be true. I think men are in trouble, mentally speaking. And not even remotely 'privileged' as such, here in the ol' U S of A. Oh and cue the ' all feminism means is you like women being equal to men'. I don't buy it, but that's possibly a different debate for a different time (or now if you choose to take me to task on it). I would argue by its very nature it's an exclusivist viewpoint.
The only thing that I concur with feminism about is that masculinity can be 'toxic' (that overused word, yes). Masculinity so stereotypically is associated with rugged stoicism, domination, and other types of suppression of emotions. Thankfully, we've somewhat evolved beyond the Cro-Magnon caricature of males to more 'feminized'/nurturing traits. And that's good; feminism’s maybe partly to thank for it. But we've still got miles to go.
Is there a time and place for masculinity? Sure, maybe. But men are suffering gravely from these traditionalist constructs of masculinity. Sure, yes, in the same way that women suffer from harmful expectations of femininity. It cuts both ways. I am not trying to create a false dichotomy here. We are ALL hurting. But I'm going to piss off a lot of people here however- and the point is not to polarize I will let you know -, but I think males are arguably more in trouble.
The statistics hold, if they are indeed to be trusted, that men are four times more likely to commit suicide. Women, however, are more likely to have psychological problems. But I would theorize men are less likely to report their psychological problems out of fear of weakness, or either their mental illness goes undetected from having to keep up such a suffocating front, OR society simply doesn't recognize mental illness as much in the case of men because it may be more construed with a deficiency in character. I highly question the statistics.
It's no secret women are able to be more vulnerable, openly express their emotions moreso than men. Women typically receive more support too. Women typically have more support from both men and women alike. Women are also more likely to prioritize their needs more than a man, and of course men - the majority - will acquiesce because of silly, outmoded, chivalrous nonsense. Because of their competitive nature, men tend to turn on men or be less inclined to help. Sadly. Thankfully I've never directly experienced (not much anyway) more stereotyped versions of men like that of what I mention, but I've witnessed it so often elsewhere. Right now, if I were go to YouTube and look at the comments for male figures there's usually a disproportionately negative amount of comments versus the praiseful comments heaped upon female YouTubers. Because the misandry is so rampant on the likes of YouTube, it does indeed do a number on me, psychologically.
One gets the impression that women are more liked, period. But I'm not here to point that out. I'm here to highlight why men are quite conceivably in such treacherous waters psychologically speaking.
Is it any wonder, then, that most of school shooters are male? Extreme acts like this are born out of a crisis in masculinity. Where manhood is measured in strength, where there is no way to be vulnerable without being emasculated, where manliness is about having power over others. And there’s nowhere to turn but anger or types of bullying.
Males need emotional support now more than ever. Being male you’re pretty much doomed to feel some form of deep resentment because you’ve got people shaming you at every which way for something. Ahh, the new and wonderful proliferation of the word 'creep' reigns supreme now. Though the wording here is extreme, men are constant victims of a kind of sexual trauma. Sexually traumatized and not actually abused in the traditional sense. You’re bombarded with degrading terms with the intent of emasculating: ‘pussy’, ‘*****’ etc. This is the common lexicon even among more adult types. You’re shamed if you express sexual desire. You’re shamed if you don’t. Men get attacked for their sexual predilection (or lack of) no matter what. Eventually.
Alright, so before the inevitable comments of 'you're seeing what you want to see. Confirmation bias, man.' etc. etc. realize that I'm not stating any of this as fact. I'm asserting, but not saying this is without a doubt...the truth. Ah, and for those who invariably want to go for the jugular by claiming this is some deep-seated Oedipal issue at play here, or due to being scorned or jilted by the opposite sex blah blah blah...I'll just state for the record, I've had tremendously positive relationships with women. So rule that out. Realize that questioning the well-being of males does not automatically render you a tyrant.
Does even a shred of this strike a chord with anyone? Is anyone else as deeply disturbed by all of this as me?
Am I intentionally trying to be divisive? Nope. By making this issue gendered as opposed to worrying about mental health for all, am I doing a disservice? I'd say no, because certain differences in genders obviously must be acknowledged, because they exist. It just so happens a gender, I believe, incurs more psychological grief that is being largely ignored..in many respects I'd say.
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