Hello,

Since January, I have been in a deep depression and made two serious suicide attempts in February, and feel extreme sadness and agony every single day for existing. I have become a mere shell of my former self, and I deleted my social media accounts, have not spoken to family in months, disabled my voicemail, blocked all calls, texts and even when I took a weekend vacation 2 weeks ago, I ended up crying and having multiple anxiety attacks most of the time. I DO NOT want to feel this way; I tried to speak to someone via crisis chat, but they recommended more extensive care. I refuse to see a therapist in person because I am too ashamed, so is there anything I can do besides suicide? Every day is a struggle.

I had depression for all my life, but it usually subsides after a week or 2. This recent depression came from an emergency surgery, cancer diagnosis, an end of a "relationship", cyberbullying and anxiety about being a childless woman in her 30s... I never had much support in life, but always tried to live a clean, virtuous life.

Edit: I was on Paxil, Fluoxetine and Welbutrin for 4 years, ended up not helping much and upsetting my stomach. Would not recommend.