I worry that my t will decide that he doesn't want to work with me anymore, too. Irrational... Maybe... But then it makes sense that I would feel that way because people have left me when I needed them before...

I think the only way it gets better is to experience more of it. With a therapist, yeah, but also with people outside therapy. I'm starting to have more enjoyable moments with friends and strangers. Mutual smiles. Different, yeah, but nice. I think that the more you experience those moments with both friends and strangers the more it really starts to sink in that that feeling isn't completely tied up with any one particular individual. And so, if anything does happen to that one particular individual, it isn't the end of the world. But I think it does take time, yeah.

I worry about my therapist going off me, too. With every risky self-disclosure. Hasn't happened yet, but I guess I worry that it will happen, yeah. I'm on a month long break now, yup. Got to the US on the 30th (arrived almost before I left with crossing the international date line lol). Been sending some emails to my therapist, though. He has responded twice. Seems to be making an effort and pulling it off lol.

:-)