Cln1812, thanks for sharing your story. I can definitely relate given what high hopes I had for myself and how sorely they were disappointed.

For me it is the struggles with work that are the toughest to deal with. I can't be fully independent without work going well and can't move forward with my life. Right now I'm about to quit a job in California - I've gotten two raises in the past year but I've also been manic/depressed multiple times. Working for me is just a lot of suffering and you can only withstand suffering for so long even if your boss hasn't noticed.

I'm sure you mean a lot to your husband and daughter though---it's a role only you can fulfill.