Hi everyone,

Not entirely sure if anyone is going to relate to my situation or think I am bonkers but I am seeking clarification on whether my experiences would put me under the bisexual or lesbian label. Brace yourself for my story

I am a 30 year old woman who is has never been in an intimate or emotional relationship with a romantic partner. I have never kissed or touched someone before. This is because I have not wanted or cared enough for such experience. Naturally, I assume one would ask-well to figure out your sexual orientation you would need to know how you feel about both genders. When I interact with men I do notice a tendency to feel a "he's quite handsome and datebale" and when I interact with women if I look at them its more so "ohh, I wonder where she got that lovely outfit from". I draw from this very little because I don't care to be with any gender anyway.

The complexity of my issue and what sparked this thread is the curiosity to analyse the fact that for over 15 years one and off I have watched lesbian porn and erotic content and this influenced me to go off to masturbate by picturing thoughts in my head of making love to a woman. These women are made up women in my mind but have on occasions been women on tv and the sort. The access to erotic lesbian content I think started at around 14/15 and I was always turned off by straight porn as it was very aggressive and male centered.

I have also only ever achieved orgasm thinking of women. Whilst I have been aroused thinking of men due to the different sexual organs it became difficult to imagine how such an intimate encounter would feel.

Might also be noteworthy that around my teen years I was once chatting innocently to a teen girl and she asked if we could conduct a sexual chat (no pictures or videos just text/writing sexual thoughts down). I agreed and it lasted a few minutes and I never returned to it During this time, I never crushed or developed feelings for any girls in my school and social network and I went about my life.

One might then ask whats the point of unpacking this all now? Well, it seems because of the length of my lesbian porn,erotic content/masturbation/sexual thoughts/ orgasms and so on I genuinely felt that there should be some feelings I would feel for women I am around and have been around my whole life. What is extraordinary is that I have never felt any wish to actually go out and be with a woman in any real way (that is outside of just my mind). It seems any desire I feel for women is only in the context of my mind during which I usually have a stimulus (the porn) to act as inspiration for me to start thinking of things to get me sexually excited.

The only possible explanation I have managed to think of to explain why my feelings for women are only reserved to my mind and usually influenced by what I viewed via porn is that somehow my brain has wired from a early age the viewing of lesbian content with sexual thoughts and the sexual thoughts to orgasms and now I can simply think of a lesbian thought in my head and feel a sexual urge and yet this urge is simply contained in my mind and only during those moment when the urge arises. Outside of such context and even during there is no real flesh and bone woman that I have a wish to actually be intimate with. Isn't this strange?

Not expecting much as I know my situation is strange but any input would be great. I also don't know if I would be classed as bisexual or a lesbian for the 15 year long history I have had with lesbian PMO (porn, masturbation, orgasms)?

I have made a vow now to end the usage of porn (obviously it is a corrupt industry but also because it has taken a lot of time away from my life).