[TW: self harm]

I usually meet with him weekly on Fridays, but a lot of stuff happened at one and I wasn't handling it well and I called his office and they said he had an opening today so I was able to get in.
Today was the most intense session we've had. We covered several different topics that I really struggle with facing. I also finally told him about my concern that once I fully opened up he'd realize I was too much for him to handle or agree that I really am all the terrible things I think I am. We talked it through and he took that responsibility seriously.
I then let him read my reasoning that I'd written out when I was deciding to cut myself and we talked about it. For like 15 minutes not only could I not look at him, I actually turned in the chair and hid my face and had tears running down my face the entire time. But even after reading and talking about some of the things I'm so deeply ashamed of he still didn't agree that I was pathetic or disgusting or that I deserved it.