Thank you Wild Coyote. I have indeed dealt with this in therapy, many therapists. One suggested cutting all contact and only "using" my parents now if i need anything from them (say stay at their beautiful beach-house for free), but I seem to always pay a price internally and it doesn't feel like i am using them at all. It feels like i am a little child again, awaiting approval that never comes. I wish I was strong enough to not feel like this, but since I am cutting all contact might be the only way out, only this is so so painful. I liked the whole parent that little girl myself trick, although I think this is the main reason I haven't had kids.