It left me feeling like my T sincerely, and absolutely loves the field of psychodynamic therapy, and believes in it so much he doesnt ask questions like is this relationship real , or what is the meaning of the power imbalance, and can't fathom me asking them of myself .

It is hard to explain how worried he seemed, but yet how unseriously took the topics here- like they were a distraction from a real issue, and he was earnestly trying to get me to tell him what is wrong .

It is like swimming in a huge ocean of ambiguity.

You can tell he does share one fear I also have- that we are cocreating a lose-lose situation and we need to reel it in.

I adore my T, but it is like something hit me in the head with a reality baseball bat, and I just want him to care or not care. Telling me it is all a paradox and he both cares and doesnt care? I need to figure out why that hurts to hear, even while I understand it intellectually.