Quote:
Originally Posted by starrysky
I am in a residential program for people with mental health diagnoses. I am thinking about moving back home. I thought I was moving forward in being in this program. The staff who come in 4x a week to see me, sometimes trigger me though. I have been stressed by them in this program on and off since it I started last year. I have complained, every time. I am deeply stressed today, because a worker came into my apartment for a visit, and was incredibly rude to me. She told me I'm all "over the place" in the service plan notes. She was aggressive (verbally) and hostile towards me, after I told her I didn't want to talk about the things she was bringing up. I don't see this changing (the staff's behavior). She was put back on my case, and this is only the 3rd or 4th time I've seen her. I am incredibly stressed out. I felt like hurting myself. I complained. But I just don't think they're going to change. I know I'm very sensitive. This happened about 4 hours ago, and I'm still stressed about it. The worst part is, I don't think they care (the staff or their managers). It reminds me of a therapist I had years ago. She was incredibly unprofessional. I stayed with her for a long time, and it was damaging.
I don't know what to do. I know that I really like having my own place, and want to move forward. I know that I could try to let this go. But I'm having a hard time letting it go, and I don't think these people care. I think they're causing me stress, and they don't care.
I know I have issues. I know. I know I'm overly highly sensitive. So who is it? Them? Me? Both? I am so stressed out. I just want to go home. I'm crying.
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I'm so sorry.

I'm very sensitive too. I have huge self-esteem issues and don't deal well with conflict -- often not at all. So I think I know what you're going through. I can spend days agonizing over it.
Forgive me for offering obvious and trite advice, but you know you don't have to decide anything tonight. Give yourself a break. You really need it. Can you go for a walk? Go and see a friend? Anything physical to clear your head of the distress for a bit? I know you meditate a bit, but I find I can't do it when I get really distressed in the moment. It does seem that you often find some new strength in the new day.
Maybe I can think of something better to say later. I just want to post this now and be here for you.