9 weeks ago I had a manic episode. I was irritable, angry, and very quick to respond. I also was seeing colors and hearing music very vividly - it was magnificent!

I had been a member on my local mental health board for a year. A disagreement came up on the board and I nearly flipped out over it. My anger was out of control. I went to my pdoc and she prescribed Lamictal. 2 weeks into the treatment I felt calmer and less angry. A month into the treatment the beautiful colors and incredible music became normal. Not spectacular, just nice.

6 weeks into the Lamictal I began to feel mildly depressed. Yes, I was more agreeable. I didn't have wild confrontations with people. But my world had gone flat. After 8 weeks on the med I began to feel some unpleasant anxiety, in addition to the moderate depression.

I hate it.
I feel very isolated and distant from people, because I am detached. I'm still doing creative things, but it takes such effort.
This "normal" is not who I am. I feel like a picture that was filled with many gorgeous colors, but then the colors faded to almost unnoticeable.

Today I spoke with my therapist about how I'm feeling. She was understanding and said the goal of treatment is to feel like our best selves, not necessarily to be on a specific mg. of medication. She encouraged me to talk to my pdoc about the situation, which of course I will do. But my pdoc appt isn't until next week and she had nothing available sooner.

My plan tomorrow is to take 1/2 the tablet of Lamictal (it's 150mg. tablet).
After a few days I will see how I feel.
That's all. Just getting my thoughts out.