Quote:
Originally Posted by BudFox
Everyone understands the nature of the connection between parent and child.
What seemingly nobody can articulate is the nature of the connection between therapist and client, as evidenced by the endless stream of "does my therapist really care" posts on every forum and blog.
When people ask a therapist for clarity, as OP has, seems the response is almost always a bunch of incomprehensible weirdness and evasions, leaving the client reeling. This is considered "therapeutic".
I think when people have to ask if someone cares... the answer is in the question. You know, at a gut level, when something is off, just like a baby knows viscerally when the mother is genuinely attuned.
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Why are you trying to argue with me? Haven't you experienced that the truth will not be revealed in those words? I don't think the nature of the relationship between parents and children is clear at all. After all, problems in that relationship are one of the main reasons why people end up in therapy after all.
I responded to OP because I have experienced similarities between my T's care for me and my own care for my children.
I care very much about my children. For one of them it is very clear and he never questions, the other one questions it all the time. For him for me to prove that I care I should literally live his life. The fact that I can't do that means to him that I don't care. Because if I would care then I would do it.
For me it is very interesting because I see my relationship with my son (a teenager now) as some kind of parallel process to my relationship with my therapist. I go to my therapy and I demand something from my T (care for instance, "clear" answers) and I'm frustrated that I don't get exactly what I want. Then I go home and at home my son demands me similar things that I just demanded from my T and by relating to my son I understand perfectly well why my T could not give those things to me because I can't give them to my son either. At the same time, my T has given me a lot over time and thanks to that I have been able to give similar things to my son, too, because via my relationship with my T I have learned what is it that I can and have to provide emotionally to my children - my parents failed to teach it to me and instead traumatised me deeply.