I'm not coping. Just finished a PHP and I learned a lot....but it's like I've learned nothing. I still feel bad, I still have no clue, I still have the thoughts and all the mindfulness, distractions, redirecting and breathing/meditating in this world won't help, can't help.

I'm taking charge from here on out. I'm not listening to them cause clearly they weren't listening to me. No more meds, no more therapy, no more of this vicious cycle. I get to pick. It's my turn now.

I lost an uncle a year ago. He was very ill and lived in an assisted living facility. It was clear that he had "Let Go". He stopped all life sustaining meds, food, therapy, treatment etc... he simply "Let Go" and in less than 3 months....he was free...gone. Never using a gun, taking pills or swinging from a rope...he simply "Let Go".

Dear God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, give me the courage and strength to....simply "Let Go".