Thank you TheSadGirl and WC, sometimes I feel so sad, that I let myself down in my descent into madness, disability, physical and mental illness. It brought a smile to read your words. My son doesn't judge me harshly as so many others do.

Now I am facing the task of getting him out of bed. It is so frustrating. We have a plan now to go out to lunch every day. Yesterday my son got a call about a job. It might lead to an interview next week. My son's been driving when we go out (he just recently got his drivers license at my sisters) and he's not 100% on Canadian roads. He's stopped eating an extra meal late at night after I told him this was a sure fire way to gain tons of weight. He's the heaviest he's ever been right now and needs to turn this around. I am just trying to nudge him in helpful directions. I think this will work better than trying to 'lay down the law'. He is applying for jobs each day.

It's been a month and 2 days since I quit cannabis. I still have moments in the morning when my frustration peaks and I want an escape from my life. I have a few friends but none I am really close to. That is another source of frustration. Sometimes I get preoccupied that my lung cancer will come back. I go on cancer forums too but don't post much there. I've been lucky so far with it. My next scan is in July. I know that the best thing I could do is just live life with enthusiasm and gusto but I do just feel beaten down.

I realized it is in moments of peak frustration that I think about taking a toke as an escape from my life. But it passes and then I'm happy that I didn't.