Sometimes, ranting (and other “self help” ) can help us internally reframe things. It can take a very long time, I’ve seen it work for some. As you know, su doesn’t even always “work”.. one reason I’ve never tried it despite severe ideation.. sorry I haven’t been helpful. People here do care although it may not feel like it. If you or anyone ended it, it would sadden me and many others (and I know.. in some cases people wouldn’t know )