I majorly feel like an idiot. I kind of read some nonverbal things as meaning T was upset/mad (or something along those lines)/ with me. I told him it was like he was rejecting me, but really, I'm not sure if that is accurate. All I know for sure is that whatever it was made me feel horrible and unsafe. So I was almost in tears because it really upset me. I finally told T although it was humiliating. T and I talked about it. I told him this isn't an intellectual thing, it is completely emotional. It's like it hits me and I can't think my way out of it rationally. It's like I read something into things and more than likely will ascribe a negative meaning to whatever it is.

So, this is how my mind works. T told me last week he was going to go on a month long vacation in about a half a year. And I feel okay about it, it is a long time away so I have tabled it for later. So, did I have a negative reaction to T because of this? Because I don't think that was the reason. I have had this reaction to him regarding the waiting room before and he wasn't going on vacation. However, I don't really know what it was that caused that reaction.

I feel so stupid about this. It doesn't make sense and I feel bad because I don't want to make him feel hyperconscious when he goes into the waiting room.

I know that I sometimes become hyperconscious and I hate it.

I have no idea what all of this was. If anyone has any idea or have had this happen, please let me know. Because this is just discombobulating.

The good thing is that I am not worried at all now that he is angry, etc. I think I really trust him.