I’ve just had enough of everything. I feel like I’m just existing. Nothing in my life is moving forward. I have nothing going for me or to look forward to. I still live st home. I can’t even drive and I’m 25. I just go up and down so many times it’s exhausting. I still have my appointment with my new pdoc scheduled for April 9th. I’ve been trying to make it until then. I have no meds. I’m either up so high I don’t care or so low I want to die. I’m depressed right now. I think about suicide way too much. I cut for the first time in awhile today. I can’t handle anything. I don’t want to go to ip. Too much money. I’m still paying off past visits. I don’t know what to do with my days. I’m so tired when I’m depressed but I can’t even fall or stay asleep. I just waste my days away. I just exist. It feels like I’m slowly wasting away. The only friend I had left abandoned me. He actually pretended to care but couldn’t handle me. I have no friends. I have no life. I haven’t showered in like 2 weeks. I usually leave my house only for appointments but I haven’t had any so I don’t think I’ve left in like a month. Everyone else I’ve known from school has amazing lives and careers and children and I can’t even leave my house. I could keep typing but it’s all depressing so what’s the point.