Some very good suggestions have already been made. All I would like to add is why are you still hung up on something that happened in the 90’s ? That’s the kind of stuff you must move on from , although I sympathize with you greatly.
Some of the things I went through back in the day were truly terrifying , actually I can also say very recently.
It can alter your life forever. Take it from me though , living in the past will only keep you there. Traumatic events in life can change you forever. But they need to make you stronger, not weakened for life. It’s also being stigmatized by some looney toons doctor. The wrong meds , hell I’ve been dealing with that for many years. And the list goes on. My main point here is to say that , and this is just for me , therapy and mentalization is what’s helping me today. I try and live in the present.
It takes practice but whenever those intrusive negative thoughts pop into my head I do all I can to replace them with concentration on the moment at hand.
Make a gratitude list. There has to be something you can be grateful for now.
Wishing you the best......