thanks sister.. i am going to have to cut back from 2 to 1 session per week soon... i really needed to have done it a while ago but i have also needed him.. i'm not sure what to do about that. i had to go a week this past week and i felt like i hadn't ever been connected until i got there. Doing 1xweek is going to be hard to keep any sort of connection at all.

i sat in my class today and while everyone was talking about Rabelais and Bakhtin i was writing a letter to my T about feeling so disconnected. If i have an exam that is all about my therapy i still would fail.

i'm a freak that way alex... most people IRL would not know i struggle so much. i have zero idea how interaction truly works, and so i mess up even the simplest things sometimes.. bad relationships... few friendships.. no intimate connections... BUT.... i learned how to mimic. i'm not talking about the "i put on an act for everyone" thing... this is deeper. i'm not acting exactly. i mean i am, but i'm not. Everything i do among people is some kind of facsimilie.. a re-creation of interaction or something.

so i have mutual smiles.. i have what would seem like a good interaction ability if no one looks too closely. i keep the amount of contact low, so that people wont know. But T says he likes me, for real.. i believe him but i worry that he just hasn't hit the limits yet.

reward your T's email efforts alex hahaha.. poor guy, all technically befuddled. i hope you're having a good time. As my aunt always told me.. be good, and if you can't be good, be careful. hahaha.. enjoy your time away.. learn, grow, be.