First of all, Hello. I've been missing you.

The way I see it, you're defeating yourself before failing.
When a job opportunity presents, you go or interview no matter what.
Showing up is 90% of the fight.

If you are going to wait for the perfect time or state of mind to act, you will go to little opportunites.
Perfect is boring, let alone unrealistic.

I'm a bike rider. If I wait for the perfect conditions, I will ride very little.
I ride at night, in the rain and in the wind. As long I'm able to see.
I see riders stopping for a drizzle. Specially Harley riders. Or shall I say weekend "bikers".

Try fo feel better with the help of your doctor, but don't wait for "normal".
Good luck. I love you.