I'll try to shower I guess. At least before my appointment on the 9th. I just can't be alone in the shower, I dissociate too much and cannot handle it. I can't leave my house to take a walk or anything. Way too much anxiety about everything about it. I might try to go on the porch. But it's been raining for the past 5 or so days straight so that's kind of hard too. I just don't want to hit an upswing and be out of control before my appointment. I don't want to go to the hospital, voluntary or involuntarily. I need meds but all I have left is a few valium that I'm saving for when I have to leave the house next month. I guess it's almost here. But I just feel so hopeless.