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MissCathryn · Mar 29, 2018, 06:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by paynful

I am not going to explain this right… but I am strugglingwith how I can’t keep people in my life. I am always and forever alone.
I cannot sustain any relationships. Like…. Any. Not in person and especially long-distance relationships. Not with lovers. Not with family. Not with friends. Not even here on PC. I can only seem to have “causal”interactions. I know how I was raised hashad an impact, but I’m grown now, and I still don’t know how to bridge thatgap.
I like how anonymous PC is. People don’t know me (have no expectations of me), and thus, I canreally be myself. I was on here ahandful of years ago, and even made some memorable and meaningful (at least tome) connections. But I got to the point,where people actually got to know me. Itwas when I felt pressure to deepen the friendships that I panicked. At the time, I was embarrassed that I couldn’tmake any progress on myself and my situation. I guess, it’s when people expect somethingfrom me that I’m not sure I can deliver… I do a complete retreat. I know if they can’t rely on me, that they’llhate me… so I try to walk away before they can (emotionally and/or physically). I don’t know HOW to care so much aboutothers without losing myself.
I don’t know how to “family.” I don’t know how to set boundaries so that mycomfort zone isn’t invaded. I don’t knowhow to deepen a friendship. What do peoplewant? I can listen. I can give advice or an opinion. I can’t fix myself, therefore, I know I can’tfix anyone else. I just don’t know how Iconnect to people, or how to maintain that connection without furthering it tothe point I get disappointed or disappoint the other person.
I guess it’s a detachment issue.. or attachment issue… ormaybe even an abandonment issue. But eitherway, I’m so incredibly sad that I end up pushing people away. I don’t know when I’m doing it, but I canfeel when those people are out of my reach. I don’t know how to mend things once someone doesn’t want me in theirlife anymore. I’m always alone. For the most part, I prefer to be alone… or maybeit’s easier. It’s heartbreaking forme.
How do I connect with someone when I know I can only go farin the relationship? If I know I can’tdeepen or maintain a connection, is there something I can say or do to let themknow to expect more from me (so I don’t lose them from my life entirely)?

Hi Paynful

I could have written your post. I have gone from a fairly social person to the person you just described. I feel like there should be a manual or something to help people like us. We literally isolate bc integrating with people is so awkward, nerve wracking, scary, embarassing, etc.

I meet a nice person here and there, we may converse a bit, then I go into isolation mode. Boom! That person, or potential friend, family member or whoever thinks I am a flake or just an a**hole.

I want you to know you are not alone. You aren't the only one.

I wish we could be helped. What can we do?