That's a good start. And - yes - you can come alive again. I was there feeling like I had just had it with everything. First I went to a psychiatrist and a T. No real progress. The I asked myself: "What can I change?" That was the golden key.

You need to change something. I don't mean your "belief system" or who you are. You probably can't change those things much . . . not in the short term. Those might be long-term goals. When I've gotten really down to where my life seemed futile and like I couldn't go on - I found that what I most needed was not psychotherapy, but to make some concrete change in my life circumstances. When I was at that point, I knew I hated my job and where I was living. I quit the assignment I was on, and I started really looking for a different place to live. Doing those two things took guts. I was close to broke.

That was me. I don't know your situation. Maybe it's so different that my experience won't apply to you. But here's something I learned. Psychotherapy can be a very, very slooooww process. I had a good therapist I respected. But she was offering long-term care, when I felt like I needed Emergency Room care. I didn't need to be hospitalized because I felt totally rational and in control. But something had to change and change soon. Otherwise, I really couldn't see just going on. I don't think doctors and therapists do all that effective a job at differentiating between how much distress is caused by chronic issues and how much is connected to something that can be changed NOW. They want to focus on deep, longstanding problems. That's all well and good . . . if you survive long enough to reap the benefits. From how you sound, I would say what circumstance could you change now? Could you possibly leave your normal environment and go visit someone for a week?