Honestly, as a young adult, I pretty much had the same experience. The whole, "I'll give you a reason to cry", I had a damn reason! I couldn't control it. So, I'd go to my dogs and I'd fall asleep in their dog house while they kept me warm. It was the only place I could cry without punishment. I don't cry now, I really can't. Every time I start, the whole, "Man up" phrase is shouted through my skull. I wipe my eyes, swallow whatever tears were on their way and get myself busy with something. My dad didn't believe in depression. I still think he doesn't. "**** or get off the pot," is his catch phrase. I don't know, I guess my folks are a little old fashioned. My mom believes me now and hears me out. Wasn't always like that but, hey, I'll take it.

Wish I had some advice to help you break this pattern that was ingrained in you as a child. I don't. Just have some understanding. Here to listen as always, take care friend.