Quote:
Originally Posted by Tucson
I do not understand the statement that normal is not working for you. So you want to be more tenuously connected to the reality around you just for you to be on a high? Remember, mania give you a distorted lens to view your life through even though it may be perceived different by you. MJ can do this for you as well. The two seem similar, particularly if the weed is spiked with some halluconegin, like PCP. I hear LSD can do this for you too.
Well, maybe I do not understand your situation well enough. This is always a possibility. I apologize to you profusely if this is the case. Maybe I am in an aggressive mood right now. If this is the case, I again apologize to you. However, having been here on PC for several years, I have never seen someone changing their meds by themselves turn out well. Seeing how active a poster you have been for several years, IMO I also think you should know better. It behooves you to consider my advice. But I do understand that the choice is yours. I respect this. I really do hope it works out for you. By the way, being sedated is not listed as a side effect for Lamotragine. You already knew that, right?
Well, I think I will be silent for the rest of the day. Maybe I have already hurt someone here? Moods, moods, moods. Oh well. I still believe in what I said even though I could of used better words to describe my thoughts to you.
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Yeah, you sound a little edgy. Nevertheless, I appreciate your input. Have you read this whole post? It's fine if you haven't, but you've mentioned some points that I've brought up already.
First, I realize that sedation is not listed as a common side effect of Lamictal. But it
can be a side effect and for me, just about every psych med I've ever been on is sedating. It's very annoying to be fighting sleep all day, every day- AFTER sleeping for 10 hours at night
That sedation itself causes depression, to a degree.
No, mj has a very odd effect on me. First of all, it makes me anxious. And then my mind feels all fuzzy and I
hate the sensation of that. Although, with medicinal cannabis being mostly legal here in Calif I understand there are strains that are helpful for mental health issues. I'm not ready to try that, though.
I dropped acid once (LSD). It was extremely disappointing, because guess what it did?....
It made me feel perfectly normal! That was some years prior to my diagnosis of bipolar disorder. I thought it was strange at the time, because with my
own mind I saw brighter colors and heard greater music than the LSD provided. Talk about a waste of money....
BUT have you heard about the possibility that certain psychedelics can treat some mental illnesses? It's being greatly researched now. (Perhaps Tim Leary and Ken Kesey were onto something, although I think they overdid their experimentation.) I'm not surprised, since my own experience with LSD was that it caused me to feel very "in the middle". Neither up, nor down, nothing odd or unusual, whatsoever.
I don't feel "high" just being myself. Now, if I get manic it starts with a feeling of being high - meh....sort-of. More "powerful" than "high". Not high like a substance high, not at all. Just...high on life. Bear in mind: I am not stopping the Lamictal entirely. I have just lowered the dose. If I still feel better by Sunday I am going to assume that the lower dose is of benefit to me. It is entirely possible that the Lamictal dose I've been on for the past month is simply too much, and is causing me to feel very flat, even to the point of feeling somewhat depressed.
I'm a naturally very creative person. I immensely enjoy it when music and when colors are especially vivid and beautiful. If I have to work to see magnificent colors or hear extraordinary music, that's not a way for me to live.
Of course I feel depressed then.
As for changing my meds without consulting my pdoc - well, I'll see her Tuesday. As I already mentioned in this thread, I've been on psych meds for 33 years. Anymore, my pdocs ask me what I think is best for me...which meds and how much. They certainly offer suggestions and share experience, but for the most part I guess they figure I pretty much have the med thing down by now. As in...I know my body well and have very good insight about how I'm doing emotionally, etc.
I agree that for most people changing meds on their own is not wise. For people who have spent many decades on meds and have a good, honest insight into their own behavior - are not in denial - I think it's fine to adjust medication a bit here or there, especially when a pdoc appointment is scheduled soon. I haven't had any pdocs in some years disagree with me on that.
So. I definitely take your comments seriously. I am grateful that you took time to reply to my post. Believe me, I will monitor my behavior carefully and see how I'm doing over the week-end.