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Mar 30, 2018, 10:56 AM
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Member Since: Feb 2014
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 302
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cool09
Didyou connect with people when you were younger? I've had detachment issues sincea teen and don't have any deep relationships. When I was young I did and I missit.
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Ihave always been this way, in one form or another. I have made friends,been popular, and even been close with some family members. But I'venever been able to sustain these relationships. I’m an introvert with social anxiety.
Asa child, I was very close to a cousin of mine when my Aunt babysat me. I actually felt like part of the family. However, I never knew how to continue the relationshipafter I wasn’t going over to their house every day. It was definitely a wake up call to me that Iwas always just “an afterthought.”
Iguess the best way to describe the relationships that I have been able toestablish would be... like a "tag-along friend." I never give directinvitations to someone, asking them to hang out. It’s never me initiating the interaction. I can be close to people who are in my frontof me by mere happenstance (in school or at work).
I’mnot an outgoing person. I don’t expectpeople to remember, let alone want to spend time with me when they don’t haveto. I get intimidated/mistrusting ofpeople who seem excited to see me. What do they want? Are they making a joke out of me? My witty banter is not a compelling enoughreason, that’s for sure.
Ifeel like as soon as people realize that I won’t give them something or buythem stuff or twist myself into a pretzel to make them happy… they have no use for me. All I want is to enjoy someone’s company whoisn’t a complete ***. Why isn’t thatenough for other people?
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For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn't understand growth, it would look like complete destruction. -Cynthia Occelli 
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