I wonder if other mothers or parents out there can relate. I was talking to someone about this and I think it is very true that unless a mother is depressed herself she cannot understand how this is. I know other people think I am lazy, not trying hard enough.

I stand in awe of the moms that do seemingly everything. Or people that just seem to have so much energy to hold down jobs, run side businesses, pursue dreams.

I feel like the world turns around me and I am never really a part of it.

The children are the only reason I stay here. Even a dysfunctional mother is better than no mother at all, or maybe not. Maybe they would get a super stepmom if I were out of the picture. It's also for selfish reasons, I can't bear the thought of not seeing them, how they grow. Sometimes the pain gets so much I want to leave them anyway but they pull me back. All the while doing a half-baked job of what I am supposed to be doing. The cycle goes on and on and we all get older every day.