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Originally Posted by justafriend306
might you try reinforcing that which is positive elsewise in his life? What is your relationship like with his father? I also wonder does his father treat his custodial time as a holiday? Or is it treated as though his place is a second home. I have seen the above backfire - especially when the ex is a 'Disneyland dad'. I have seen children get anxious and tense as they feel they raise their own behavioural expectations in response. I think what is happening is the child feels they must prove they are deserving of the attention they are being given. Is this at all familiar?
Does the teen have a guidance counsellor to talk to at school perhaps? Having an encouraging person he respects in addition to yourself might be beneficial. Would you be interested in talking to the guidance counsellor yourself to get some feedback?
Maybe too it might be helpful to enroll the boy in some extra-curricular activities. This could be a positive thing to share on dad's time. Seeing the child perform a range of activities might loosen the expectations of the father.
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Thanks so much for getting back justafriend.
I am trying to reinforce & my child just started with extracurricular after not being motivated for some time. School isn't going well & grades are
very important to dad i think thats what started it - having to visit dad and risk whatever outcome !!??? the vacation time is laid back & activities are more relaxed as dad is busy - the home is not really a 'second home.' So the activities are laid back but the response may not be ...
my x had a crisis during which time his behaviour was similar to bpd. i am currently blamed for everything that went wrong in the relationship & his entire life. There are a lot of
mommie projection issues for me to deal with. I was advised to go "no contact" due to the emotional abuse & ongoing blame, which i do find helpful.
i can't be a good parent if I am subjected to that abuse. I was beginning to suffer anxiety, & I am hoping that this is NOT what my teen is experiencing. i have very little to do with my x. He uses every opportunity to attack. i can't win or rationalize.
I will read your response again. thanks again for taking the time to respond!