I'm a dad who suffers from depression and anxiety and I often feel as you described. I'm envious seeing what look like happy people skipping through life. (Even though I know everyone has issues) Me and my three siblings were raised by my dad after my mom died when I was 10. So I will never leave my kids or my wife even when it seems like the best solution and they would be better off. They need you and you need them. They also don't care if the house is a mess. They just want a mom who loves them. So love them and try to love yourself. Easy for me to say and very hard sometimes for me to do but I can't leave them and have them. Big hug!