Thank you for this. I truly appreciate your sharing with me.

That would be nice. I am currently out numbered by the stressers. Crap is coming at me non-stop, the universe hates me or I just don't belong in it. I hate life, I hate life but am ever grateful for the experience, but it's not for me. I have felt this way for as long as I can remember, even as a child, but the brain aneurysm has awaken me to what could have been and when I compare it to now...I wish I had died then.

I decided to live with my health issues that can be fatal if not managed....Ive got a ticking time bomb in the middle of my chest (thoracic aorta aneurysm) and my valves aren't in good shape either....my thought is, not to interfere with nature and let natural causes do what it was trying to do some 7 years ago. I could very well live for years without meds, but I am not going to do anything to discourage what would happen naturally. I feel that my meds are prolonging/interfering with my would be demise. I'm not trying to buy time, I just don't want it.

I don't think anyone will understand me, I'm just being honest with myself. I'm not so selfish as to take my own life (although I think I am very capable of doing so) and leave my family/friends distraught as to why (though they are aware that I want to) they would never understand the act and I could never purposely inflict that pain on them. I love them and they me, I truly believe they do. My way, allowing natural causes to take me out, would make everyone happy and no one would feel their to blame...not even me.

There are people who have cancer, and so many cancer's are curable yet some cancer patients choose not to have chemo or treatment, they just want to live out the time they have left...well, I've got some pretty good life threatening illnesses/mental illness that I am simply choosing not to treat. Just gonna live out the time I have left... years, months or even days.

Thank you for sharing. Your words (and all those who have shared) are kind and make me feel accepted and welcomed. I don't want to be alone and I want to be heard. So again, thank you to all that shared with me....You are all priceless