Are there over the phone support groups or therapists you can sccess? I know you find the phone difficult to use but it may be a good baby step forwards. It makes me sad that you are so alone. Wishing could come over fir a coffee and give you a hug if you wanted one. Glad you have your appointment soon. Hang in there until then and make sure you go. Also PM me anytime if you want to chat, even if it’s just about random stuff.