I saw my t on Wednesday and went in totally numb and feeling lost. I could not access any emotions. I was/am completely overwhelmed. She told me that I was depressed. I said that I couldn't be depressed because I wasn't crying. She said when people are severely depressed they cannot cry. I felt particularly lost and stupid and worthless. She said I should call the pdoc but I said that I couldn't convey how I was doing in a 7 minute appt. So she offered to call and talk to my pdoc. I went home and went to bed. Thursday my pdoc called and changed my meds. Friday I am still in bed.

Lately I've talked about SH, about not eating for over a day because of lost appetite, disruptive sleep even though I take meds to sleep. On one hand I feel like this t is good because she accepts me and what I say. And she cares during those 45 minutes during session. But she definitely won't see me 2x a week. I feel like I need more support.

She tells me she has no open appts during the week. Yet it is rare that there is a client both before and after me. It also seems to me that the clients she sees either before or after me don't have standing appts. So she cannot or will not see me twice. I feel that money is very important to her (based on the car she drives, the clothes she wears, etc). Now I feel that she won't see me twice because insurance doesn't reimburse very well. All this is conjecture.

I'm trying to figure out how to get more support.