Dear Info,

I might write you about this, but since I’m really loving spacing out our sessions, I don’t particularly want any further emotional entanglements between us. So, unlikely. Plus then you’ll want to talk about it Tuesday, and I don’t want to talk about him. He’s mine, not yours. It’s like you knowing about him will cheapen it somehow.

Sunday’s the anniversary of my father’s death. Easter too, not that any resurrection will be happening. I’ve been brooding about the anniversary and crying a bit. I still feel like I did then, like the universe said “April Fool!” to us that day. And I didn’t have a base anymore.

Because it should have been a longer life, he should have seen his granddaughters, maybe he could have helped me deal with 1 or 2ex better (or intimidate them physically—that happens without trying when you’re 6’4”), maybe my brother wouldn’t have this itinerant career where we never know where in the world he is, in a war zone or not.

All I know is, I miss him, and there’s (yet another) chasm inside me.

Anyway.

ATAT

PS: no comments in response, please.