[trigger warning: mentions of suicide]

Tuesday was the 4 year anniversary of the death of my mom's long term boyfriend who had been a father figure in my life from age 12-19. I spent half a session talking and crying about him/his death a month or so ago. It was my first time crying in my therapist's office.
I saw my therapist Monday after acting out in a self destructive way and having really bad anxiety, even though I usually only see him on Fridays. I told him that it was also the anniversary of that person's death the next day.

Today he asked me about my brother's suicide. My brother is alive and lives with my mom, we just haven't been on speaking terms for 5 years because he blames me for not protecting him from our father better.

I told my therapist this. He felt really bad for misremembering and clearly knew that he f***ed up, but he was also confused. Like there was no lightbulb moment of him retrieving the correct memory. So I'm wondering if Monday he was also misremembering our convo from a month ago and under the impression that was my brother's death anniversary?? Which I hate the idea of. What else is he misunderstanding?
We've talked about my guilt about not protecting my brother and my anger at my mom for not holding him accountable for being abusive... that would all be a very different conversation if my brother was dead.
And the loss is very different. I lost a parental figure. That has an entirely different meaning than losing a sibling. So at what point did he get mixed up?

I was really hurt. Part of me wanted to punish him by being completely cold the rest of the session or making passive aggressive digs at the fact that he'd gotten something so important to me so completely wrong. I didn't do so, but it definitely damaged our connection, and I think he knew it too.

After asking about and talking about my grief and loss for a short while, I changed from kind of leaning hunched forward with my legs uncrossed (the position I'd originally been in since the beginning, kind of curled in on myself) to leaning back in the chair (pulling away) and crossing my legs and crossing my arms across myself. He asked if I was cold and I said no. He then made some comment that he had asked because that was such a sudden and dramatic change in my posture and I was like "yep." I told him I was usually aware of the signals I was sending, it was just a question of whether or not I chose to try to hide those signals. And after I second I was like "that change meant I was done talking about this" and he was like "yeah, that was the message I got."
So we moved on. I'm not sure he would have let me get away with that without pushing it if he hadn't been feeling guilty.
It was just really hard to talk about my grief when I was upset with him for not even remembering what I was grieving about.

I kind of carried that resentment through the rest of the session, and even now. We were still able to have a productive session and I was still able to be vulnerable talking about things that I don't like admitting but it was in a somewhat more clinical and detached way than usual, as if I was a researcher studying myself.

When I think about our session and him now, I feel hurt, not warmth. And I'm not sure how much longer that feeling will last.