Quote:
Originally Posted by Longingforhome
SE, this thread is very helpful to me.
I’m in the same place with T1 (I have 2: one psychoanalytic in orientation - this one. - the other uses a thing called ISTDP).
I’m also missing the T I used to have, or the T I thought I had. You said something a post or two back about the original T/relationship feeling a bit fantasy-like. That’s the territory I’m in right now with T1. He acknowledges that yes, stuff happened and things/he has changed, but also brought up this idea that I kind of ‘made up’ the first him. I fiercely dismissed it at first, but am now really pondering it quite seriously.
I had absent/inconsistent/abusive/neglectful parenting at various points along the way, and I know for sure I am inclined to sort of fill in the gaps of people and make scraps or hints of caring much bigger than they are. Sort of like how kids make the bad parent good, because the reality would otherwise destroy them. I think he connects with with self-nurturing and over-independence.
Not entirely sure - I’m too ashamed to explore it in any great depth. Story of my lifeblood right now.
|
This does sound like a very similar place- kind of magically making the T we need, then reality setting in. I like your comparison to kids making bad parents good; I certainly did that too. I do appreciate both our T'S for being honest, instead of soaking up reverence permanently, but it sill stings. My T talks about how I can have a "corrective relationship" with him. This definitely bewilders me what this actually means in real time, like how that plays out?