It would be so much easier to let the empty engulf me.

It feels like an actual physical hole from my throat to the middle of my chest.

I try stuffing it with exercise & friends. But the exercise & activities I do are just so I can be with friends. I do the things they do just so I can be with them. I have no conversation because I don't do anything. I don't know what I like or don't like. I do what they do just to be with them.

I feel like a leech. Trying desperately to feel whole by being around others who seem whole. But when I'm lay here. On my own it's still there.

Giving in to it would stop the torture.