Cyran0, it seems like the drugs have a special kind of pull on me...they keep trying to pull me back into the old lifestyle. I don't crave just one hit, I want the whole damn thing--I want the life of an addict back...of course, my mind has created a "good" addict lifestyle. One where I am crazy and stoned, but don't suffer all the negative consequences. I know that is the addiction talking to me...I know if I pick up again that my life will come crumbling down on me.

The flashbacks and such are hard to deal with. I find it especially difficult because I catch myself fantasizing about how good it would feel to be back into it. That is something I have to be careful of...not allow myself to fantasize too much. Remind myself of the consequences.

As you take on this role of addict, keep things in perspective. I know how dedicated you are to your art, so this is going to be an extremely difficult challenge for you. Stay in touch with reality....