Okay, I see what you're saying now. When there's nothing you want (no cookie as a reward), it doesn't seem like there is a point. I get that more than I can say.

A lot of times, I don't even feel like a real person, because I don't want anything. Like... anything ...for myself ....out of life... nothing. If there's no motivation, there is no point in doing life or what I like to call "adulting".

(This next confession is silly and embarrassing for me.)

When I'm at my lowest, I try to pretend I'm doing these things for someone else. I find it easier to force myself into action if someone has needs greater than my own. I pretend I'm babysitting or something. The kid needs to have healthy snacks, drink water, get fresh air (even if it's just sitting outside the front door), and have their attention on something that isn't a screen.

Most of the time, it still doesn't work. But the moments it does work, I guess it's worth the ridiculousness.