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Old Apr 01, 2018, 02:27 PM
Merope Merope is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2018
Location: Somewhere in a cloud
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anne2.0 View Post
Sometimes in therapy I have talked about the thing to be talked about. For instance, you could say T, I want to talk to you about something but I'm afraid. It's difficult for me to reveal something that I think will present me in a negative light. I'm afraid that if you see something negative in me, you will reject me, or abandon me.

To me it seems like if you turn it around and listen to what you said, particularly how you fear rejection if he is presented with something negative about you, you can see some of the logical problems with your thinking more clearly. As in, hasn't he even seen one negative thing about you in the time you've been seeing him-- you've never done or said anything that showed you might have at least one flaw as a human being ???

Taking this just one step in another direction, is abandonment really caused because there are negative aspects to a person? If a person had no negative qualities, why are they in therapy? If a T rejected every person who had a negative quality or a personal flaw, who would be left as clients?

I don't think you can solve this debilitating fear unless you just admit that you *think* you know something that suggests he might be moving in the near future. But more importantly, I think the real issue is being open about something that makes you seem, I dunno, less than perfect? Personally I don't see what you know and how you know it as a problem and I doubt he will.
Thank you for this. I agree with what you said and maybe in a bit of time, I'll be able to talk to him a bit more freely about how I'm feeling. I have disclosed things that have portrayed me in a negative light before and he accepted/responded very kindly. This fear of rejection/abandonment is all on me.

With this, however, I feel like I'm invading his privacy and I have no right to do that. I hope you are right--maybe he won't see it as a problem that I did a bit of "research", but I still feel tremendously guilty/ashamed for looking up his partner. I think, if I were to bring it up, I'd have to do it from underneath my chair.
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