I think whether hugs happen in therapy or not is due partly to the therapist's theoretical orientation, to the therapist's natural personality (is he reserved, distant, warm?), and partly due to what the client can handle. Nothing is black and white, but it seems that T's who are psychoanalytical/psychodynamic tend not to touch as much and T's from the humanistic psychology tradition incorporate "the hug" as needed or as is therapeutic. (I don't know what the training of behaviorists teaches.)

Some clients are not appropriate to touch, such as those who have suffered abuse who would consider it invasive, those with a lot of erotic transference, those who have a very strong "personal space", etc. If the T does use hugs on occasion, I think it's helpful if the T knows the client pretty well before offering one. (If anyone is watching the HBO show, "In Treatment," you will know what I mean by saying that it would be a disaster if the therapist hugged his client Laura, who is totally wrapped up in her erotic transference.)

My own experience is that my first counselor did not hug me, and it would have been strange if she offered. We were not close at all. (She was CBT.) My current therapist does hug occasionally. Usually it is after a session of particularly close attunement, or a grueling session where I shared a lot of my pain. In those cases, he will offer a hug on my way out, sometimes saying, "share a hug?" He opens his arms and I come into them. I always see it as an invitation and one that I do not have to accept. However, we are pretty attuned, so he would not offer me a hug if it wasn't right. I feel those hugs are natural extensions of what we have just experienced together. There are certainly many, many sessions we do not hug, and he has never offered a hug when it wasn't the right time or feeling, if that makes sense. There are also times during session, when he has said, from his place across from me, "I am sitting right here and holding you," and that "hands off" touching is also very powerful. I do not think he would ever cross the space between us when we are in "talk position", sit down next to me on the couch, and hug me.

Sister, I think what is most important is that the client know what is right for her. It sounds like you know that hugs would not be therapeutic for you and that your T knows that too. You guys are in sync!

Kiya, thank you for sharing your "elbow" feelings. I found your description very powerful and true--the unconscious bubbling up and knowing things are conscious brain does not recognize.