So t the reason i need to cancel. let me try it here first. this weekend we just paid like $2,000 of medical bills related to h's hospital stays. and i want to get a couple more paychecks in the bank again, and another couple deposits onto my HSA card, before I come back. you never understand the money thing. you remind me that therapy is an investment and that you take credit cards. i know both things. but i have been through a bankruptcy, you have not, and i think i have a little bit of a different perspective on using credit cards than you do because of that. we try not to use ours at all but we have had to some with the hospital bills. these last ones we paid off in cash, so that's why i'm broke for the time being. maybe instead of calling to cancel i will do it in email and explain why. although why i feel like i have to explain in detail, i don't know. as long as i call before the 48 hours in advance requirement, why should the why matter? because i care about what you think of me, that's why. I guess. I don't know. Maybe it would be easier if I come on the 12th and while i'm there tell you I can't come on the 26th. this is just the way it is. i don't want to fight with you or with h over this. i know i don't have the money to come twice this month. H and I both get paid on 4/6 so I think I'll go ahead and come on the 12th, tell you about the thing with E, explain why i can't come on the 26th, and in good faith will schedule a session in May. Maybe we can try every 3 weeks? I know I am going to need to end at some point. But not right now. We're doing some really good animus work I know because of how stirred up my dreams are. When we work deeply like this, it shows in my dreams. I mean it when I say this. If I had the money, I would come once a week right now. Totally serious here. But we want to pay off these bills first. I know you don't understand. Try. You understand everything else about me so well.