Should a therapist always (personally) matter to clients? No. Some people don't need or want that kind of relationship with their therapist, and that's OK. It's more important that therapy provides a service than a relationship. But I'd argue some clients won't be able to accept the service without the relationship.

I'm one of them. My therapist matters to me. Not to the extent my husband or friends do, but he still matters. Sometimes it's hard to accept I might only matter to my therapist between 8 and 9pm on Wednesday nights. But I do know I am the ONLY thing that matters in that hour. My sessions start on time. He has never cancelled. He listens with everything he has. He is there with me, and my growth as a person matters to him.

He recently told me he does think of me outside sessions - - that I don't just disappear when the hour is up, that I do actually matter to him. It's nice to hear, but I don't take it in because I'll never really know if it's true. He looked upset when I told him I would never know if I matter to him - - but I can't see how it could be otherwise. I pay him.

I think Antoine St Exupery sums up why many therapists matter to clients, and vice versa.

'It is the time you have spent on your rose that makes your rose so important.'