My mom is spending the night with us tomorrow night.

There are a lot of things wrapped up in those words.

I’ve been in counseling and experienced many somatic memories that are associated with my mom.

I’ve shared this before here. She stayed with us before and somehow I flushed her dentures down the toilet. I didn’t know it after it happened, and spent the day trying to figure out what in the world had happened to them. We searched garbage cans and looked everywhere they could be.

It came back to me in fragments.

I did it.

That was years ago. 3 or 4 maybe? I’m not sure.

She has a doctor appointment tomorrow and one the next morning and ask if she could stay with us overnight.

“Sure” I said!!

What???

I don’t know how this is going to turn out!!

I meet with my counselor tomorrow night and she will be here before I leave and after I get home. I don’t have words to explain what that is threatening to do to me internally.

I have talked about a lot of things that have come forward with my counselor and I’m in the middle of trying to help a part of me feel safe and heard. This all includes my mom!

Is this just me being over dramatic or can someone else see and understand my concern?

I don’t even want to go to sleep tonight!

I don’t want to think about going to sleep tomorrow night with her here.

What could happen!!!

We’ve talked about a lot of not nice things involving her.

I don’t know!

Maybe this is some kind of rant or some kind of flip out.

I don’t know!!

Anybody else?

It’s just weirdness that I can’t sort out.