it's been one h**l of a day. I'm trying to not let these 'thought-trains' get going but wow, super hard.

felt completely alone today (would have spent the holiday with my Grandma ). no one around - no one even calls or even probably thinks of me, I don't count "group texts"! only time I smiled today was with my pets!!

my siblings texted out a photo of their family around the counter with the big easter meal out. wow - when you're all alone, how the h**l do you keep away the thoughts like 'everyone's got their families and you don't'! or 'man I wish I had someone' - oh wait, had my Grandma

it's not being jealous, it's just wow, not sure how to explain it. anyone understand or know what I'm talking about???

it's not just holidays. I often think about s**t like this - especially when no one calls or messages or whatever. then that part of you chimes in with 'if something happened, how the h**l long would it actually take anyone to notice?!' some times I just wanna dig / bury further down the hole and just hide forever. wouldn't be too hard, as I'm fairly invisible already!

ugh, what a day.......