Sometimes, I get really really furious over just how DEEP this kind of thing can hurt.
I didn't know to be on alert. Now, I can't NOT be on alert.
I didn't know what gaslighting was.
I just didn't KNOW. I didn't know.
I didn't know how tricky it is too see when you're in the middle of it. Now, I see it even when it isn't happening (and then freak out that I'm telling myself "it's not happening" because what if it really IS happening?? Reassurance itself is now terrifying.)