i tend to lean into the concept that some sort of transference has to happen if there is going to be any deep long term relationship. i just dont think you can achieve deep change without it. It doesn't mean that you have to see T in any of those descriptions, or be bothered by seeing her someplace.. all tranference means is that you transfer or project patterns and issues from elsewhere in your life and history onto T and that relationship. Many of the things you list do result for a lot of people, but none are necessary. i'm not trying to invalidate your therapy process mckell, it is what it is and if it helps you then what do i know? But perhaps trandference for you actually entails a sort of indifference or ambivalence.. it could be a need to maintain distance and control, etc.... i don't know, it would be a reflection of a schema from elsewhere.

i do think it's possible to do a certain amount of CBT without transference.. and that can affect things like positive thinking, patterns of behaviour, etc.. but for deep down change the maladaptive issues have to surface and that is transference.

sunny i really like that passage... so much in fact i am browsing the online bookstores and www.thinkingallowed.com

i've often thought that our society is all wrong.. that communities need to be formed in a more human-friendly way.. i believe that healers and teachers, etc need to be integrated into the heart of that community.. a life long wellness approach. Imagine group and individual therapy processes just being a normal part of development... imagine having a T that has known you for quite a lot of your life. Like community/family. i don't think communes are what i mean, but i was interested in aspects of the Jewish concept.. i don't know how to spell it but it's pronounced Kabutz.

i'm not jealous of other clients.. he doesn't have any. Just me and no one else and he lives in his office and never leaves.

actually, i really am not bothered that he has other clients.. i just don't want to see them. i don't know, i just don't want to think about them or their issues... that is part of my transference issues, being certain i am not good enough, and so i would compare myself - do they look more sane than me?

i cannot make myself say how i feel about my T... but he is so deeply important to me... and after the message i got from him on Friday i feel tentatively ok with thinking he might care about me... this is a tough concept because it isn't what i expected. i thought he couldn't because it's a paid relationship, a job... etc... but this is a different thing.. not a friend, not family, not a romantic interest... this is a very different relationship. i just cannot describe it adequately.

i know this kind of thread bothers some people on a deep level. i am not sure why. Someone asked me recently if i was wanting/having a fling with my T because i said i adored him. That intrigued me... not having a fling, but that it would be seen that way.