You could try putting a 'no meds' condition on it. As long as you go voluntarily you do have a lot of control. Unplugging from everything for a few days might just be what you need. In my experience, but I am an oddball, separating myself from my life temporarily is better than any meds or therapy.

I understand what you mean about not being sure about people's motives. I have made peace with the idea of trusting until they earn distrust. It is easier, but maybe more painful than doing the opposite. It doesn't come naturally though.

If you T hasn't threatened or even lightly hinted at forced inpatient, he probably doesn't feel that is a productive path. You are lucky, he sounds great and that is so rare. Don't feel afraid to really lean on him, I think you have a gem!

Feeling alone really hurts. I had forgotten how much until recently and it just sucks! As you can probably guess, I am in and out a lot lately, but if you want you can PM me and we could talk in whatever way makes you comfortable.