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altonwoodsdrphil said:
welcome to pc clearblue, before your pot smoking incident would you say that you were a person who very much likes to remain in control of themselves? maybe even a "control freak" getting high scares some people because of this, that can be difficult to process...it really sounds like a combination of factors to me, the control issues being primary and your own insecurities about your mental health as a secondary.

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Before the incident with the pot I did like to be in control to a certain extent, I always worried about finances etc. I have also always been pretty edgy ( high strung) it is difficult for me to stop moving or fidgeting, maybe this was a sign that I was already an anxious person but had control over it. I do think that my current anxiety is likely do to the major panic attack where as I lost complete control of my mind and any decision making ability. Just before the incident I also recently took on a very high paying, competitive, big responsibility job. This may have been a factor as well.

I fear possibly "losing my mind" . I fear losing everything I have accomplished due to mental illness etc. I always seem to link the anxiety and thoughts that pop into my head as some symptom of schitzo. etc. I also worry that people see me differently or somehow I act differently after the panic attack. I guess there is also some OCD tendencies here.

I just cannot understand why I cannot get my mind around all of this!