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Why can't we leave the house sometimes? This email I sent my T and his reply( I am a personal trainer. I am ok. Not the best). It made me feel better but I am not sure it will solve the problem. He is trying to help ease my suffering with kind words but when it comes down to it I am the one who has to talk to myself with kind words and believe it.
ME:"I do not understand why I could not leave the house today. It might have made things better but I just could not bring myself to leave. All week I knew I had this day to myself. I planned on going to the outlets but I just could not bring myself to leave. I feel I completed wasted this day away sitting here trying to cope. No school and no work and no real reason to leave the house. I feel like a waste of life while husband is doing a 16hr shift at the fire department for paramedic school. I did do some studying, I got cleaning done.........I should have at least gone for a walk but could not bring myself to do that either. Everything felt pointless."
Therapist:"As for the day, I would throw the whole dang thing a curve ball and not try to understand it. I would purposefully make the days you think are going to be very rough a personal day. A day where you plan to stay home, take a warm bath, and pamper yourself. Sleep in and read a book. Go with the stream, if the stream says its a stay at home day then it is a stay at home day. There is a possibility that its your bodies way of saying you have worked hard and need a rest.
You are productive most days and do get a lot done. You are equally important to the people you help as your husband is to the people he helps. I would say more so, because if you don't help the people you help they will end up having to call the paramedic because they have fallen or hurt themselves or had a heart attack. Some people get all the credit and some people work quietly in the background doing amazing work."
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When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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